What did I do to deserve this?

So I had a not-so-great Monday. And Tuesday started out with the question, "What did I do to deserve this?"

That's right....I was reading Job.

Ok, I know that I'm no Job, he of the renowned patience (though he did rail at God quite a bit, frustrated for what he saw as punishment that he didn't deserve)--I've lost patience with my children, reveling in the "do justly" part without balancing it out with the "love mercy." I have, on more occasions than I'd like to admit, allowed myself to sleep in instead of getting up to start the day right with quiet time. And I could go on, but you get the picture.

Except for Grace. Because of His sacrifice for me, I have been cleansed. Because of His power I live each day trying to be like Him.

Just suppose.

Suppose that God had a conversation with Satan a few years ago, and that I was the topic, rather than Job. Satan tells God that the only reason that sing His praises, crave His presence, teach my children to love Him, is because He has built a hedge around me. He'd blessed me with a loving Christian family, a Godly husband, two beautiful and healthy children.

Thankfully Satan didn't orchestra every piece of property and both children taken, turn my husband against me and send "friends" to stare at me for 7 days before telling me that the only reason all this had happened because of sin. Instead, he tried steal my faith by introducing my family to the realities of life with a little girl with DiGeorge Syndrome, spina bifida and wide circle of other problems. To round out the year, he took my much-loved father, much too young.

Maybe it wasn't Satan's doing. Maybe it's "just life" in a fallen world, but Satan's scheme is to use it to put a wedge between me and my Creator.

At any rate, I have to admit that I'm still working through why God would allow Daddy to die at age 55. But if Satan wanted to use that to shatter my faith, sorry (or not), not happening. If anything, it makes me more determined.

But I am echoing Job's sentiment when it comes to Madeline Kate. "What did I do to deserve this??"

What did I do to deserve waking up every morning to her sweet smiles; to her grin when she raises her arms to say, "SO big!"; to feel her little hand patting my face; to see her eyes light up when I ask her if she wants to sing "One little fishy"? What did I do to deserve seeing her delight when her sisters love on her or her Daddy coos at her? What did I do to deserve watching how God is already using her little life to bless and inspire so many? What did I do to deserve that she signs mama and says daddy? What did I do to deserve Madeline Kate?

So to the enemy of this child of God, I say, "Your mission failed." And to God, my Rock and Shelter, "How can I keep from singing Your praise? How can I ever say enough? How amazing is Your love! How can I keep from shouting Your name? I know I am loved by the King, and it makes my heart want to sing!"